There are no words - 17/07/07

I watched Without a Trace tonight. I watch it every night, even though it means i'll be exhausted tomorrow, because i need my sleep, and it's on late. I watch it because it's intelligent, it's entertaining in an engaging "i can feel that" kind of way, and because I'm hot for LaPaglia. It's probably more the third reason than the other two, but never mind that.

I watched it, and it made me weep tonight. I can't even talk about why, 'cause we can't talk about that topic here. Here, where all manner of perversion is ok, hell, it's encouraged - we can't talk about the real perversions, because our (your) government says they're just too ugly for here.

They're right. It's too ugly for anywhere really.

So since i can't say what i really want to say, i'll say the things i oughta instead.

I'm really, really tired of hearing the whole "bullying" thing thrown around in these parts, by grown men and women who a: oughta know better, and b: couldn't survive real bullying if they had to face it. God knows i couldn't, and i can survive a whole lot. Stop using that fucking word - because you're taking the perversion out of it every time you toss it around with your cavalier little foot stomps, because some unknown person that you have all the power in the world to stop doesn't like you. Fucking. Stop. You make me nauseous.

I'll say that people, all people, are capable of immeasurable perversion, and that it scares me more than it saddens me. As I said to someone in email last night, people might not be inherently evil, but we sure have a talent for it. Tonight's dramatized version of what, sadly, are real life events, just reinforced that for me, yet again. Fuck, we're a horrid breed, us people.

And i'll say that i don't give a shit if it was stylistic flair, emo-writing, or just fake empathy - seeing a cop cry, when he should cry, gives me just a tiny little ember of hope. Even if it is tv - you just gotta believe that someone gets it, even if it's a fictional someone. 'Cause hope, as we all know, is a dangerous thing, but it's the best we've got.

And tonight i'm sleeping in the little bed, because one night of being there to stroke the forehead and soothe the fear won't make my tears stop, but it might let me sleep.

I realize fuckpuppet's likely the only one who'll have even the faintest of ideas as to what i'm talking about, being my WAT fan club co-president, and that's probably just as well, in the grand emo-scheme of things.

I'm going to bed. Be good to someone.