I heard that today. Not even in an interestingly angsty relationship drama way, oh no. From my boss.
I'll back up. Several months ago, i took an internship at the hospital, to develop my skills and build some experience in my new career path. It was good, and i had a great project to work on. Completed it, did well, impressed him, and he hired me on as a consultant to do another project. Through the course of the project i continued to impress him, and when a staff position becamse vacant, they offered it to me. "Casual", because i lack the french fluency qualification (read: functional i am, pass the test, i did not).
No problem. Casual was good, as i wasn't sure i wanted to be there, and it was entry level. Figured i could finish my consulting project, and look for work, and this would ensure i had extra income while i did that (got paid for the consulting as well).
Fast forward to now. Been working casual in the position for about a month, and finally completed the project and the accompanying report. I was worried about the report, because while i know i can do ok with reports, i had no framework. He just said "write a report", with absolutely no guidelines at all. I like rules. Gimme rules.
Wrote the report, delivered it yesterday. Today, he calls me into his office to discuss it. I see it sitting on his desk, and, of course, i panic, thinking "oh god, it's not what he wanted".
He taps the folder and says "This....is fantastic." Nothing more.
I say "well, thank you. And...?"
"And nothing. It's fantastic. One of the best reports I've ever read, and definitely executive calibre. I can't tell you how impressed I am".
Cue to my extreme embarassment, avec blushing, and attempts to graciously accept praise. Asked if there was anything he'd like to see changed, and he said not one word. Perfect, and am I willing to present it to the executive, the regional health authority, and the minister of health, when they meet to discuss the ER initiative next week.
*Deep. Gulp*. "Um, sure, i'd be happy to, would a powerpoint to accompany it help?" (Internal monologue: "shut up daay, don't create more work for yourself, oh god i need a new suit, oh fuck, i think i can't breathe")
I get a yes to the powerpoint, and then, just as i'm basking in that post-praise glow...he drops the bomb.
"And this" (points to the staffing desk, where i sit doing an entry level casual job), "you can't settle for that. You have to find better than this, it's beneath you. I can't give you that job, because you can do better." (We had talked about me keeping it, because i want to work there, and i'm willing to start at the bottom, since opportunities don't happen every day there).
Mother. Fucking. Ow. Recover, quickly. Grace, poise, assertive.
"I appreciate what you're saying, and i realize it doesn't take advantage of my skills. There are a lot of other reasons i want that job, not the least of which are the long-term opportunities and the work-life flexibility. I don't want to rule it out, and i'm willing (and have been) to take the initiative to find creative projects for myself in between tasks there. I'm already doing more than the person who was in that job for two years was, so i can learn more. And as well, i considered applying for the WCB Analyst position".
He laughs, taps the report, and says "you screwed yourself out of that, with this report". My shock must have been visible, because he said "Sherri (my work name), i don't think you realize how good this report is. You're not getting it. You're above that job, and it's not enough for you".
So, i'm so good, you won't give me a shitty job, even though those are the only jobs you have and the only way to keep me in that organization?
Ouch. So you know...that's the equivalent of having amazing, mind-blowing sex with someone, and then saying "you're too good for me, we have to break up". It'd be unbelievable, if you hadn't been there for your partner's drooling and screaming, and weren't well aware of the fact that it was your hips that got ya both there.
I know he means it. The fact that he continued to find me work for 6 months, as a result of a 3 week internship, shows it. The fact that he sent me a meeting request that cc:'d all the above mentioned officials shows it. And the fact that, when i swallowed the huge lump in my throat (grace, poise, recover) and asked if he would please consider not making a job offer to anyone until monday, so i could prepare a business case to show value in keeping me in this organization, he said yes, he'd be open to that, and perhaps we could look at term options for other projects, so i could continue to be paid AND get benefits...that showed it too. He means it.
Effusive praise for outstanding achievement + we just don't have anything good enough for you = cognitive dissonance, to the nth.
Business case'll be done by Sunday. I'll recover, because i'm an achiever. Which, apparently, isn't always a good thing, lol.
Oy. Bureaucracy.
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